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Candace

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> > This is an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble from Wendi Aarons,
> > Austin , TX , regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling
> > after the first paragraph ...
> >
> >
> > Dear Mr. Thatcher,
> >
> > I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I
> > appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak GuardCore(tm) or
> > Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
> > dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
> > tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
> > Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
> > crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't
> > tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little
> > F-16 in my pants.
> >
> > Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"?
> > I'm guessing you haven't.
> >
> > Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can
> > already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
> > minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
> > husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills."
> >
> > As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
> > quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
> > monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the
> > bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
> > swings, crying, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a
> > tough time for most women.
> >
> > The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
> > crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the
> > reason for my letter.
> >
> > Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
> > inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and
> > there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy
> > Period."
> >
> > Are you fucking kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager
> > brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is
> > possible during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least
> > bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? , unless you're some kind of sick
> > S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which
> > you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in
> > your house just so you don't march down to the local Kmart armed with a
> > hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
> >
> > For the love of God, if you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi
> > pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually
> > pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is
> > Wrong", or are you just picking on us?
> >
> > Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,
> > there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
> > chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly
> > miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of
> > condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
> >
> > Always.
> >
> >
> > Best,
> >
> > Wendi Aarons
> > Austin , TX
 
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Totally sent this out to a couple of people today. I've always been inclined to exercise my way out of said situation (it's possible to get rid of it if you purge every ounce of fat on your body), on account of being a woman sucks, but I'm too lazy for more than 40min of thrashing activity a day--sooo glad I get to deal with it while being on jury duty for 2 days+ next week!
 

Persephone

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"Have a happy period". It could have only have been a man's idea.
Well..... I have had "happy periods" especially when I was frantic about being 'late'. Does that count? (says the mother of four)
 

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