Candace
Well-Known Member
> > This is an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble from Wendi Aarons,
> > Austin , TX , regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling
> > after the first paragraph ...
> >
> >
> > Dear Mr. Thatcher,
> >
> > I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I
> > appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak GuardCore(tm) or
> > Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
> > dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
> > tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
> > Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
> > crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't
> > tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little
> > F-16 in my pants.
> >
> > Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"?
> > I'm guessing you haven't.
> >
> > Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can
> > already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
> > minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
> > husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills."
> >
> > As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
> > quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
> > monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the
> > bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
> > swings, crying, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a
> > tough time for most women.
> >
> > The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
> > crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the
> > reason for my letter.
> >
> > Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
> > inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and
> > there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy
> > Period."
> >
> > Are you ******* kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager
> > brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is
> > possible during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least
> > bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? , unless you're some kind of sick
> > S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which
> > you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in
> > your house just so you don't march down to the local Kmart armed with a
> > hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
> >
> > For the love of God, if you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi
> > pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually
> > pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is
> > Wrong", or are you just picking on us?
> >
> > Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,
> > there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
> > chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly
> > miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of
> > condescending ********. And that's a promise I will keep.
> >
> > Always.
> >
> >
> > Best,
> >
> > Wendi Aarons
> > Austin , TX
> > Austin , TX , regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling
> > after the first paragraph ...
> >
> >
> > Dear Mr. Thatcher,
> >
> > I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I
> > appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak GuardCore(tm) or
> > Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
> > dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
> > tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
> > Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
> > crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't
> > tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little
> > F-16 in my pants.
> >
> > Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"?
> > I'm guessing you haven't.
> >
> > Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can
> > already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
> > minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
> > husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills."
> >
> > As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
> > quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
> > monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the
> > bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
> > swings, crying, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a
> > tough time for most women.
> >
> > The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
> > crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the
> > reason for my letter.
> >
> > Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
> > inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and
> > there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy
> > Period."
> >
> > Are you ******* kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager
> > brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is
> > possible during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least
> > bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? , unless you're some kind of sick
> > S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which
> > you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in
> > your house just so you don't march down to the local Kmart armed with a
> > hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
> >
> > For the love of God, if you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi
> > pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually
> > pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is
> > Wrong", or are you just picking on us?
> >
> > Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,
> > there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
> > chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly
> > miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of
> > condescending ********. And that's a promise I will keep.
> >
> > Always.
> >
> >
> > Best,
> >
> > Wendi Aarons
> > Austin , TX
