E
Ernie
Guest
Ok, I am terrible at retaining jokes, so I will share these here so I know where to find them if needed. I take no credit on devising them, and they were told to me by two ST members today at the Batavia OS show. If those jokers wish to take blame/credit, I'll let them step forward...
#1
A lovely young lady decides to brush up her golf game. She seeks the assistance of a semi-professional golfer at a local country club. She goes to her lessons religiously and makes great progress. After a couple weeks, the instructor tells her he is pleased with her progress and informs her to play nine holes. He'll be enjoying some cocktails and says to let him know how she does. Off they go... After a short time, the young lady storms into the country club screaming, "I've been stung by a bee, I've been stung by a bee!!!" The instructor asks "Where???!!!" Student replies, "between the first and second holes!!!" The instructor hangs his head in disappointment...
"your stance is MUCH too wide."
#2
A masked bank robber storms into a busy bank waving a gun and shouting, "Everyone, down on the ground and don't look at me or I'll shoot you!!!" All comply. He rushes to a teller, throws her a bag and demands, "fill the bag with money NOW!!!". She complies. He makes his way to his escape, but steps away from the door someone jumps up and yanks off his mask. BANG! the robber shoots the person dead. The teller looks at him out of shock. BANG! She's down. He replaces his mask and shouts at the people on the floor, "Did anyone ELSE see my face???!!!" after a long silence, one man continues to stare at the floor but raises his hand and says,... "I think my wife might have gotten a look at you."
#3
At 86 years young, a man finally makes it in life and purchases a sweet, new convertible sports car which he's dreamed of his entire life. He takes that baby out and really tears up some asphault. 70, 80, 90 miles per hour,... a state trooper clocks him and begins pursuit... 100... 150 miles per hour!!! After a long chase, the old man finally pulls over. The trooper comes to the car and examines the man's ID and insurance... "Sir, it's five minutes until my shift ends... you have ONE chance to give me a good reason you were going THAT fast... if the reason is acceptable, you're off scott free..." The man ponders his situation... "Well, twenty years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper... I thought you were trying to bring her back."
-Ernie and ___ and ___
#1
A lovely young lady decides to brush up her golf game. She seeks the assistance of a semi-professional golfer at a local country club. She goes to her lessons religiously and makes great progress. After a couple weeks, the instructor tells her he is pleased with her progress and informs her to play nine holes. He'll be enjoying some cocktails and says to let him know how she does. Off they go... After a short time, the young lady storms into the country club screaming, "I've been stung by a bee, I've been stung by a bee!!!" The instructor asks "Where???!!!" Student replies, "between the first and second holes!!!" The instructor hangs his head in disappointment...
"your stance is MUCH too wide."
#2
A masked bank robber storms into a busy bank waving a gun and shouting, "Everyone, down on the ground and don't look at me or I'll shoot you!!!" All comply. He rushes to a teller, throws her a bag and demands, "fill the bag with money NOW!!!". She complies. He makes his way to his escape, but steps away from the door someone jumps up and yanks off his mask. BANG! the robber shoots the person dead. The teller looks at him out of shock. BANG! She's down. He replaces his mask and shouts at the people on the floor, "Did anyone ELSE see my face???!!!" after a long silence, one man continues to stare at the floor but raises his hand and says,... "I think my wife might have gotten a look at you."
#3
At 86 years young, a man finally makes it in life and purchases a sweet, new convertible sports car which he's dreamed of his entire life. He takes that baby out and really tears up some asphault. 70, 80, 90 miles per hour,... a state trooper clocks him and begins pursuit... 100... 150 miles per hour!!! After a long chase, the old man finally pulls over. The trooper comes to the car and examines the man's ID and insurance... "Sir, it's five minutes until my shift ends... you have ONE chance to give me a good reason you were going THAT fast... if the reason is acceptable, you're off scott free..." The man ponders his situation... "Well, twenty years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper... I thought you were trying to bring her back."
-Ernie and ___ and ___
